A Letter to My Mother

Dear Mother,

I love you very much. You are (or used to be) my best friend. We have been through so much together. When dad locked you out of the house in the winter time with no coat or shoes you weren't alone. We were locked out together. When you bought school shoes for my brother and me, I hid them for a few weeks, hoping that Daddy wouldn't notice. When Daddy hit you with his fist becuase you wanted to wear a dress to church, I sat with you until you were able to make yourself presentable again.

When I was little, just like other girls, I wanted to be just like you. My favorite food was your favorite food. Your favorite music was my favorite music.

As I got older, some things changed. My brother started abusing his girlfriends and I started dating. Some things didn't change. Dad never stopped hurting you. When I moved out, I was so afraid for you. Who would be there to make sure that he wouldn't kill you?

Another thing that never changed was the bond that the two of us have.  A bond that was built on being afraid and abused together. The bond strengthend when I married my own abuser.
But I don't want that bond. I don't want to be afriad of the man who tells me that he loves me.

I don't want to be like you anymore. I left my husband, Mommy. I sinned by breaking my wedding vows. I know that you think that I'm weak for leaving. I don't care.

Its over between us. Its over between my husband and me and its over between you and me. I want you in my life. But we need to develop a new bond, a new connection. Lets not keep each other company in misery.